Her parents are so inconsiderate
I am 28 years old. I have been in love with a girl ‘H’ since seven years. We studied in the same university. I am madly in love with her and want to marry her, but her parents are a big hurdle in our way. Actually, H is from a very humble background and lives in a remote area. Her conservative parents want to marry her off to her first cousin who is not even educated. There is no mental compatibility at all between them, but in their family marriage out of the family is out of question. H’s parents know about me but they are being very unreasonable. They say that whoever wants to marry their daughter should stay with them. Of course I am not ready to become ‘ghar damad’. Now, H is being pressurised by her inconsiderate parents to say yes to her cousin’s proposal which she is resisting. She has been under a lot of stress since two years. Guru, I don’t know how to persuade her parents. Now, since the past few months things have been getting worse. H is expecting me to do something. I am under a lot of pressure. I am kind of frustrated. I have called her father so many times but he never picks up my phone. Guru, I am going into depression. I cannot imagine my life without H. Please tell me what to do.
Dear Agitated Guy,
You are a grown up man and you should not lose heart. Look at H who has been facing her parents’ wrath with patience. I must say she is a brave girl who is standing against her parents’ unjust behaviour. It’s so sad that in our society there are still families that go for matchless marriages and H’s family is one of them. Well, I cannot blame them as they have been conditioned to think like that. If you really love H and want to save her life then instead of getting frustrated and going into depression, do something about it. Ask your father to try and convince her father. Or, if H’s father does not take your call then go to her home directly. Talk to her father tactfully. You have to do something to win him over, like renting a house near hers. Think realistically and practically; if they are ready to give their daughter’s hand to you on the condition of becoming ‘ghar damad’, getting a house near hers may do the trick. Or you could even try and get a job in some other city, and move there. At least, you will be able to marry her. It also possible that once you marry her, and they start trusting you, the girl’s father may relent and let you move back to your house. By that time they will also have accepted you and will not create fuss. You have to play your cards very coolly and sensibly. Good luck!
I am losing my confidence
I am a 21 years old college student. I read your column regularly and I am really inspired by the way you solve people’s problems. Guru my problem is related to my zero confidence and of the two people who are responsible for shattering my confidence one is my obnoxious class fellow and the second is my callous teacher. They both make me feel as if I have no worth. My class fellow makes fun of me whenever she gets a chance. She tries to instigate my teacher against me and my teacher ridicules me in front of the whole class. Their ruthless behaviour hurts me a lot and I am losing my self-confidence day by day. I want to get rid of these two demons. Tell me how to deal with them. I have had enough.
Fed Up Girl
Dear Fed Up Girl,
You are 21 and you should not be bullied by your class fellow or your teacher. These two mean people are only taking advantage of your politeness and decency. Your class fellow seems like a jealous person who is trying her best to degrade you in every possible manner. Well, you don’t need to worry about them. It’s about time you get your act together and stand up for your rights. The basic rule to follow is to snub them. If your class fellow misbehaves with you, you must react and face her boldly, raise your voice loud and clear. Actually, your silence encourages her to misbehave with you and once you react, she will never be able to touch you again. Similarly, you can make a complaint to the admin office or to your principal against your teacher. I am sure your principal will take suitable action against her for being mean to one of her students. You look towards them as demons as you are afraid of them. Once you get rid of your fear your will regain your confidence too. Good luck!